Endless Road
by Kitsune89
Summary: Two brothes, one lifetime. AU


_Do you remember when I hurt my foot and you carried me home, big brother? When the forest seemed so big, so dark and full of mysteries – fairies and trolls. When everything was always new, full of possibilities and quiet whispers, mysteries of life. Those days seemed to be endless, full of emotions, sunshine and secrets._

Warm summer day, tempting to go and feel the gentle breeze, grass under his bare feet. Still frowning the boy just turns his back to the window, needing to focus on school work. Sitting in the quiet study, air filled the scent of old books which he usually enjoys.

The solace of books in the room that is secluded in the house, usually soothes his soul but those days that just seems to start lessen and lessen. Sighing he continue reading, somehow face looking so old – the hunger for more lurking around him, demanding more and more.

Suddenly the door slams open, starting him and the thought, disappears. Scowling he turns his head, looking at you and you can feel how the joy starts lessening. Still hopefull you smile to your brother, wanting to play with him. "Sasuke, what have you been told about running and slamming the door?"And you flinch, joy dying from your face, still hoping you would have a chance, yearning your brother attention, wanting to be with him. " That isn't proper behavior nii-san, but..."

"Your brother has more important tasks to do than play your childish plays, Sasuke – leave the room." Cold voice slicing from the corridor, both of you flinching from the emptiness and the authority of that voice.

You can feel your hope coming crushing down, but still you cannot oppose those words, that man. So you just whisper,"Yes father." and leave the study, head hanging low, trying to keep some dignity in your father's eyes.

"Hn, you have better to do those tasks in time, Itachi.", your father just says, not even glancing in your way. As you get to your room, tears threathen to pour, you just huddle in the corner, trying the best of not to cry. Wondering, why am I never enough?

 _When did it start – backs turned to other, silence echoing loud between us. When we stopped talking, when did we loose each other, started taking steps away from each other, made the wall between us?_

Days going past fast, summer turning to autumn and to winter. Happy carefree days almost like a far away dream. "Sorry Sasuke, not today. Maybe some other time." and he walks away, you left looking his back – sorrow, hate and the question _why_? You are left to ponder in the darkness or that's how you felt, are still feeling years and years after.

You started working hard too, but in your father's eyes you weren't never enough – always your brother winning. Helplessness fulling your mind. And with child's detertamination you started slowly and slowly cutting those ties. Always in your brother's shadow and without way out of it.

As you grew, you started despising more and more your brother, the bitterness gnawing your soul when you heard him to be praised and never you. So you closed yourself from the world and your family. Swapping your brother away, not even wanting to look at him. Still looking him from shadows, mourning the cut ties but it always, always went hiding in hate.

 _That road always felt endless and scary especially in the evenings, still whenever I was with you brother, it was full of warmthness – you were then my safeplace, harbour where nothing could harm me. You protected me from the harsh world, shielding me from true hurt – wish I would have realized it sooner._

Still you were with him, not always remembering your vows to not even give him glance. In those days, everytime you got to have time with your brother, you felt warm, loved. Were you pirates, pilots or something else, the forest was your endless playground.

It was enough when your brother was there looking after you and your friends, even if he was just reading or looking. You were safe funnily enough, but in child's mind there wasn't conflict with those thoughts.

And when the day got dark, even if your brother didn't carry you home, when you just walked hand in hand, everything was okay in the world. Until that day, you can still remember it like it happened yesterday.

You were walking down the road, trying to get air you are trying to keep your compose still. Fury was riding in you, just wanted to scream – let out the frustration and the anger.

You could hear the whispers still, how you are almost nothing to your brother, how they wonder why you can't do as good, better be as your brother.

And you brother, your beloved brother murmuring how you weren't ready yet, how you needed to grow more. How you were trash when comparing to him.

Numbly you just walked and walked, not realizing how the day got dark. Wind was shaking the leaves, rain in the air. And you still kept walking, steadily.

When you got home, soaking wet something was lost in you. You listened your father's angry voice with smirk and cold eyes.

When your brother tried to talk with you, you just snorted and walked away. Still somewhere inside of you, you are weeping even if you aren't anymore that little boy, still some part of you cries, now inside of grown man.

And now, years later, you are feeling like a little boy, stopped frozen. Memories flooding in you, hate bitterness and joy – you have reached your destination. As you have been walking steadily this road of life, meeting different people, situations – now you are just hoping, there is time left. Like little boy you were once, you have so much to say, but so little words – tears flowing, you just want to reach , reach your brother in time. You hated, despised him but in the end he was and is your big brother, your support.

You are realizing, it wasn't never so black and white. Even when you scorned him, he stayed near you. Looking after, worrying and just watching, hoping that you would be okay.

You remember when your brother told that he was gay to your parents, how it made them looking you as the hairmaker and somehow you couldn't tell them then that you were gay too – somehow you felt needing to fake, as if their attention after many years of blind eyes was something to achieve.

Even when your brother tried to talk with you, tried to say how it doesn't matter what they think, what they want – beast will always be hungry if you keep feeding it. How you should live, not lurk in the shadows of past tragedies. But you just closed your eyes from the truth, looked him with disdain, thinking you were right.

And now, it's all coming crashing down and you still have something to say. Until now, you had closed your eyes from the truth, from the _reality,_ so closed off in hate, to somehow make yourself accepted and loved.

Damn the pride, it's time to accept the flaws, the hurt as it is – was. You tried so hard, but it was wrong kind, thinking if you could be as or more succesfull, they would love you, cherish you. But you only got more demands, more scorn when you couldn't reach them. And still your brother was there, trying to reach you, trying to help, but still you just pushed him away.

Isn't it ironic that people realize what's really important just when they are loosing it? When they know that the important ones, you can't reach them anymore – like sand they are flowing through their hands. In the end there isn't nothing to grasp, only sadness and silence.

" _Do remember when you hurt your foot and I had to carry you back home, little brother? When your eyes were full of wonder, without touch of bitterness or hurt – sun always filtering down on the ground from so high. You were full of wonder and joy, fairies and ghosts._

 _And you were always looking me, smiling me – loving me. When it was time to go, you always huddled close to me, scared of the darkening forest. Faking most of the time that your leg hurt, still I carried you – you were and are my dear little brother, always._

 _I always hoped that, the road would be longer. So I could keep you as child just one more second more. You were the sun of my life – keeping the void, the bitterness at bay. With you, I could relax and to be the child I was, leave the mask off – just enjoy those sunny endless days with peace. With you, I knew who I was."_

Crisp autumn day, you are walking peacefully on the little road, forest around in full of fall colours – air peacefull. You aren't longer the little boy who looked for his little brother, but a grown man. So many people whisper, how you are the ice king, how no one cannot touch you – cold as ice.

Look at in his eyes, where normally is shields up and cold, are now tired and full of sorrow. As you walk the road, deeper in the forest, memories and laugh from far past assaulting your senses. Steadily going forward, steadily and slowly letting go of mistakes, trying to accept wholy that you aren't, weren't perfect.

With forrowed brows you stop and look around, musing how the trees felt so big and timidating somehow, but still you are looking them awe, fully appreciating, somehow more than when you were younger.

Looking the place, you are remembering how you and your brother used to play, how you used to scare Sasuke, telling him about the trolls in the forest or how the chocolate at halloween was poisoned and Sasuke shouldn't eat it.

Chuckling, you are continuing forward. Forest is full of life, preparing to winter with little touch of summer here and there and melancholy of silence to come, coldness to come..

Suddenly your teps little bit faltering, red splattering on the ground – violent coughs forcing you to knees, trempling and taking support from ground with another hand, you are trying to stop the trembling.

Gasping the air, you are trying to get up, even if fear with the sidekick pain tries to froze you, trying to calm yourself, getting small victory (from who and what), you push yourself up, not time for breaking down. After all you had one place to visit. If you could just muster enough strength to go there.

Slowly, slowly the trembling stops. Wind gently caressing your long dark hair, whispering of the last pieces of summer, you continue the road steadily, slowly almost like you did in the past. Only now, there wasn't anyone to pester you, tease or laugh with you.

So much has been lost by pride, prejudge and foolishness of thinking how you were untouchable, unstobable – being above others. And you mourn the loss of innocence while tempting memories, good or bad to come. To let go of painful past, finally.

Marvelling the beauty of the landscape, you are musing how the road seemed so long in the past – full of dark corners and something not so human. How you could almost believe there was something magical in there, if you just searched enough.

Sighing, you walk in little clearing, nostalgia lifting his head. How little but somehow so much has the forest changed – the oak tree, which shade you used to sit had been struck with lightning and destroyed it. Now sitting at the stump of that tree, you are relaxing finally.

With little smile you look around, memories flickering back and forth. Slowly, slowly you are letting go of the pain, accepting that you were and are just a human - let go of the pain, understanding. Even if you only wanted protect and cherish, wanted shield your little brother from the same demands, the same void – wanted him to have childhood, which you never had. You wanted him to be what you never was or had.

Even though, your intention were good, lovin – you understand that you didn't give him enough credit, you looked him like he was still a little child and not giving him enough credit to him to understand himself and the world better. You are just hoping that your little brother will live, will be cherished and loved – better than you or your family could ever.

As the last rays of sun starts they journey down, flickering through the forest, you accepting wholy everything. And you know, that you can let go and be in peace. Just looking the forest enjoying the play, the colours of last rays – silence filled with peacefulness.

You remember suddenly that one day when their mother had given them basket full of all kind of treats and how Sasuke fed his teddy bear that he couldn't bear to leave behind – thought taking few steps more and you wince, thinking about your friends, how they would have liked this place. And how they would skin you alive, if they knew that you had left home to come here.

Sudden tears are rolling in your cheeks, the peacefulness gone for a moment – sadness, anger and despair. Oh, how you are wishing to have power to turn the clock backward, wanting to do something, asking forgiveness. How blackness clouds your vision, mind playing tricks as it closes around you – as if someone had just yelled your name.

" _I tried to protect you, shield you from the demands, from the hunger of power pointing at you. I wish I would had more strenth that time. I regret that I neglected you, little brother when I thought I was protecting you._

 _Maybe, maybe if I had talked with you about it, maybe our lives would have gone differently. I have always been proud of you, little brother – the day when you said fuck you to father and walked way with head held high, was one of the proudest moment in my life.._

 _I'm sorry Sasuke, little brother that I couldn't brake the wall between us. I'm sorry that you had to suffer so much, remember that I have always loved you, my dearest little brother. It doesn't matter what you decide, I will always be proud of you my dear little brother."_

Looking at his grave, you are remembering when you ran in the forest. The feelings of hurt, anger, fear circling around your head. The pressing feeling in your heart when you found him in that little clearing and... Tears rolling gently at your cheeks, remembering the last words of your brother, _"Live, little brother – I'm proud of you my dear little brother. Always." -_ sadness gripping your soul.

You are glad that you were there, even if you hadn't time to say anything before the ambulance staff whisked him away. You wanted him to wake up again, whispering words to him in that dark hospital room. Closing his hand in your hand you sat there to the last breath.

And now you are standing before his grave, reading his last words and hoping your brother was in peace. Wind gently caressing your hair as you lift your head to the skies, ravens flying through the evening sky.

" _I'm sorry aniki, wait for me there, until it's my time to go._ "

Some people are whispering that the old forest road in Uchiha compound, that had destroyed long a go, was haunted. Whispers said that you could hear children voices and laughter there.

But there was already rumor that late in the evening, you could see dark haired boy in early teens carrying little dark haired boy in his back.

Rumour said that the air always seemed colder then and the forest was always darker, as if it was fall – in winter or summer. They whisper that is cursed land, full of pain and hate. Of course they are just stories and rumours, but there is something weird and untouchable in that forest.


End file.
